Dr. Rich Rollins
Adjunct Ministry Professor
Dr. Marty Trammell
Professor and English Chair
Introduction
A relationship is not based on the length of time you have spent together; it’s based on the foundation you’ve built together.
To enjoy the “new creation” relationships Paul introduces in 2 Corinthians 5:17, we need a foundation foreign to the teleology of earth. The above unattributed quotation, like most popular sentiments, is easier to explain rhetorically than to live readily – it is easier to talk about the foundation than to build it. No matter how true the second part of the quotation may be, the best a post-Christian culture seems to be able to offer is the same distorted rhetorical fruit that gave us problems in the garden. The shifting sands of popular culture are not a safe foundation for our relationships – nor are incomplete interpretations of popular biblical texts.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God. . . . (Ephesians 6:10-12 ESV)
Most interpreters emphasize the content and value of the armor, each piece’s connection with the character qualities of the wearer, and the ultimate victory of the properly-equipped believer. Although these are important and necessary insights from the text, these interpretations can increase relational difficulties when readers attribute to Satan interpersonal difficulties he doesn’t produce – when we, in a sense, think that the armor of God is all that is needed. It is important to build a relational house of healing on the right foundation.
Too often Satan gets credit for relationship problems caused by moral failings, prostitution, addiction, displays of anger, and a myriad of other human failings – all things he would like to influence but certainly are not his domain. Part of the happiness in living a life where “the old has passed away, the new has come” requires knowing the rest of what Paul is talking about in Ephesians 6.
The Bible teaches that the believer faces three foundational enemies: the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21), the world (I John 2:15-19, James 4:4-6), and Satan (Ephesians 6:10-18, 1 Peter 5:8-11, and Matthew 4:1-11). John, in the Book of Revelation describes a 1000 year kingdom period during which Satan is bound and powerless to act on the human race. Yet, even without his presence, enough men will “self-corrupt” so that when he is released, he will mobilize them as an army to confront God. The curse of sin means that we can harm ourselves without Satan’s help.
The flesh is the enemy that produces so many of our relational difficulties. What then is Satan’s role? It is implied in the Ephesians passage.
The passage begins with the word λοιπον which, literally translated, means ‘‘for the rest.’’ This is a strange word to use in beginning a discussion of Satanic temptation and the believers’ counter to it. It is a word that implies that the writer is finishing up a previous discussion. Perhaps it is a combination of our familarity with the passage and the stimulating metaphor that causes us to focus our attention on the armor alone and skip over verses 10 through 12. After all, we think Paul is merely describing who our enemy is, that the real substance is in the source of our possible victory over his attack. This interpretation is a mistake.
Our hermenuetic requires us to back up and consider the language in verses 10 through 12 so we can better understand how this passage continues what has been discussed previously. The greater context begins with chapter 5, verse 18 in which Paul writes:
18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [1] (Ephesians 5:17 – 21)
Unfortunately translations such as the NIV break this passage into several sentences leaving us with the impression that Paul is commanding us to be filled, relate to one another with psalms, sing and make melody, give thanks, and submit. Each appears as an imperitive. The ESV reflects the proper grammar. Verses 18 through 21 are, in the Greek, part of one sentence. The main verb is “be filled.” The verb is modified or described by 5 participals: adressing, singing, making melody, giving thanks, and submitting. The structure of the sentence indicates that there are at least 5 characteristics of Spirit-filled believers: They have a positive way of interacting with others, they ascribe continuous heart-felt worth to the Lord, they are thankful, and they submit to those around them.
This last point informs the current debate about submission in our relationships. Submission is a product of Spirit filling. It is a product of spiritual strength and leadership rather than a reluctant or guilt-motivated capitualation to a greater authority. It is a combination of attitude and activity. We read in Chapter 6, verses 1 and 2 that children should “obey their parents” and “honor” their father and mother. True submission that comes from the Spirit’s filling is continually evidenced by these two characteristics – obedience and honor. Too much literature supports the notion that submission is only an act of the will. Paul disagrees. Submission is the product of the Holy Spirit producing in us the capacity to obey and honor. The will is involved in allowing the Spirit to fill us and bear fruit.
Verses 18 through 21 establish the context for the remaining verses. The Spirit- filled believer expresses this act of filling in his or her relationships. Paul cites five that are normative: the husband and wife, the child with his parents, the father with his children, the slave (worker) and the master (employer), and the master (employer) with his workers. Each of these relationships are mediated by Spirit filling.
The armor of God will not protect relationships where individuals are not attempting to allow the Spirit to control their behaviors. It is impossible for the husband and wife to love and respect, within the framework of the “new creation,” without the filling of the Spirit. Couples face a human history which works against being complimentary partners. The problem is highlighted in Genesis.
The first chapters of the Pentateuch describe the spectacular creative act of God as He speaks the world and the universe into existence. After making man, God acknowledges that it is not good for man to be alone. God’s solution is to make Adam a counterpart, “a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:16). God then does a strange thing. Instead of saying, “Adam, do you realize that you have no helper?” and then presenting Eve, he gives Adam the task of naming the animals.
Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. (Genesis 2:19-20 NIV)
Adam’s naming of the animals was not designed simply to give him a part in God’s creative act. The concept of naming referred to in this passage goes beyond calling a bear a bear, a lion a lion, a platypus a platypus, until all of the animals are named. We believe the concept in view here is the act of identifying each animal. He is not only naming them, but in naming them he is identifying their unique qualities. God’s goal was not to have Adam take credit for the first taxonomy but to bring him to the realization that the animals had counterparts – he did not. Each set of counterparts made up a corporate entity of male and female. Adam, after naming the animals came to the conclusion that he was alone – there was no female for him.
Then God creates Eve from Adam’s own genetic material. With the creation of Eve, Adam and Eve become husband and wife. The text of Genesis implies that they complemented each other. The passage shows that, in Eve, Adam found great relief from the tension created by knowing he was alone. Although we have no idea how much time elapses between chapter two and three, we do know that the story takes a detour.
In chapter three, the serpent comes to Eve to challenge her dependence on God. Satan tempts her to strike out on her own. “After all,” he argues, “God knows when you eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil that you will become like God . . . . To know good and evil.” Wanting to be like God was Satan’s problem. So, he tempts Eve. It wasn’t a lie. In chapter 3, verse 22, God says “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil . . . .” However, it formatted one of the saddest ironies in human history: that becoming like God we became separated from Him.
After eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Eve gives some fruit to Adam and he eats. While Eve was deceived, Adam was not (I Timothy 2:13). His choice was difficult for other reasons. He could have thought to himself, do I keep God and lose my wife or do I keep my wife and lose God? He chose the latter and because of his choice, sin sank its fangs into the heart of humanity (I Corinthians 15:22).
Later, after explaining the consequences of Adam’s action, God turns His attention to Eve.
To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, Emphasis ours)
The last sentence of verse 16 has traditionally been interpreted this way: “You will have sexual desire for your husband and he will be in charge of you.” However, as many Old Testament scholars have pointed out, the context is concerned with more than “sexual desire.” The same Hebrew word translated “desire” occurs again in Genesis 4.
Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires [emphasis ours] to have you, but you must master it.” (Genesis 4:6-7)
Contextualizing this passage helps us understand why the armor of God is not the solution to many of the sources of conflict in our relationships – especially marriage. Clearly the word is used in chapter four, to imply control. So, what was God saying to Eve in chapter three? Ron Allen suggests the following:
I will bring something new into the wonder of the bringing of children into the world.
I will greatly magnify your pain in giving birth. When you give birth to your children it will be in physical pain.
I will also allow pain to come into your marriage relationship with your husband.
You will tend to desire to usurp the role I have given to him as the compassionate leader in your home, rejecting his role and belittling his manhood.
And the man on his part will tend to relate to you in loveless tyranny, dominating and stifling your integrity as an equal partner to himself.[2]
From that day on, conflict over who’s in charge in the husband-wife relationship began to mirror the garden curse. Allen continues, “If this is an accurate reflection of the intention of this curse on the woman, it is a curse indeed that has lasted through time. No wonder there is such discord among married couples.”
Like men, women contribute to marital conflict when they put their energies into trying to take control, rather than in trying to learn control – especially self-control (which, for the new person in Christ, is an aspect of Spirit filling). Instead of laboring to love patiently, some wives try to establish control by threatening their husbands, others use emotion and tears, while others use their ability to initiate or withhold sex. Although these techniques are not exclusively female, they represent patterns of control fruited from the wrong tree in Eden.
Paul encourages Christian couples to consider that part of being “new” means submitting to the Spirit so that individuals can relate to each other in a way that meets needs and brings hope to the relationship. In Ephesians 5, Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives, establishing a forgiving and grace-filled foundation for marriage. Marriage should reflect the love of Christ manifested in the “new creation,” not the separation of the fall. This is possible only with the filling of the Holy Spirit. Characteristics of the Spirit-filled life include submission and thankfulness, and the fruit produced by “new creation” marriage is “new creation” love (Galatians 5:22).
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Paul reminds the believers at Corinth that they are a “new” creation. The word, kainos is understood by scholars as “Qualitatively new, as contrasted with neos, temporally new.”[3] The connotation of the word implies something that was previously unknown. Paul’s use of the word empowers his declaration. The believer is something new, not a garden-variety human being. The use of the aorist and perfect verbs strengthens the idea that all of this happened at a point in time and the benefits continue on in the life of the believer. The transformation is complete and new.
Paul implies this newness in his discussion of marriage. With Christ’s completed work at Calvary, our relationships are transformed. They become more than what appears in the Old Testament. Relationships are now Spirit-influenced, and the marriage relationship, specifically, becomes a reflection of the loving relationship Christ has with the church. Satan can influence our “flesh” and the “world” to increase the isolation in our relationships, especially in marriage, but he isn’t always involved. The destruction of a mutually submissive and caring relationship happens when we feed the old nature through the carnal appetites of the flesh and influences of the world.
For the marriage relationship, Paul also gives us God’s solution to the conflict introduced in the garden. “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Because He created us, God knows that men need respect and women need love. Dr. Mark Goulston confirmed this fact when he wrote, “In my twenty-five years in private practice, one of the few things that has remained a constant is that most women want to be cherished and most men want to be admired.” [4] Dr. Emerson E. Eggerichs agrees. Eggerichs launched Love and Respect Conferences to communicate his belief that that love and respect are universal qualities that are essential to a successful marriage. He writes,
You may remember how the Beatles sang, “All you need is love.” I absolutely disagree with that conclusion. Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband’s need for respect. This Love and Respect message is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needs – respect. And the husband can fulfill his need to be respected by giving his wife what she needs – love. Does this always work? No. But if one is married to a person of good will, I would bet the farm that it would work![5]
Eggerichs explains that when a woman is battered in a relationship, she will confess that she feels unloved. A battered man, when asked if his wife loves him will most frequently answer, “Yes, but she doesn’t respect me.” Women need to be loved and interpret their relationships based on that need. Men need to be respected and interpret their relationships based on that need. God, knowing who we are, has the answer: “Husband, love your wife.” “Wife, respect your husband.” Respect and love can redeem relationships torn apart by the desire to control.
When women are commanded to respect their husbands, it is unconditional and not based on whether or not their husbands deserve respect. When a wife is disrespectful in the way she treats her husband she deeply hurts the relationship. A woman who is married to a jerk is best served if she doesn’t join him in the way she responds. She must be truthful and kind at the same time. The Holy Spirit empowers this difficult behavior. The filling of the Spirit inspires both partners to love in a way that connects the love God has for each human to our relational experiences. The flesh, the world and Satan consistently work to disconnect us, and although the armor of God helps us against Satan, it is the Spirit himself who helps us reconnect in our interpersonal relationships.
The wisdom in Paul’s instruction appears consistently in counseling. For instance, once shown respect, most men will begin to feel loved. Contrary to their natural tendency, the “new creation” work of the Spirit can empower wives to diminish their controlling behaviors toward their husbands. They can stop trying to re-create him into something outside the Spirit’s work of making husbands “new.” Of course, every wife sees potential in her husband that he may not see. A godly wife brings out the best in her husband by following the Spirit’s counsel to respect him in a way he perceives as “respect.”
Despite the work of the Holy Spirit in creating the “new” person, showing respect is a lost art – abstracted by strangely juxtaposed images of equality, transparency and frankness. When the husband is “acting like he’s eighteen again,” a wise wife knows when and how to say the right thing. She doesn’t deliberately choose words to make him feel foolish. She doesn’t attempt to cover her own insecurities in public by trying to make him look less mature than herself. She shows respect through the language and gestures she chooses to express herself. She shows respect when she treats him according to what he could become as a “new creation.”
In God’s plan, the husband can’t, in fulfilling his responsibility to God, be either a dictator or a doormat. Rather than being a tyrant or a tread-head, his privilege is to become the lover. Instead of commanding her, he cherishes her. Instead of bossing, he blesses her. Instead of giving in or taking control, he gently controls the give and take. He stops trying to remake her and starts loving her. Again God in his wisdom designed the relationship according to the designed needs of the husband and wife. The wife needs to be loved.
The discussion in Ephesians 5: 22–33 is predicated on understanding the role of the Holy Spirit. Without the filling of the Spirit, the husband and wife continue to invoke the garden curse in their relationship and miss the beautiful and holy ecstasies of the “new creation.” Within each of our relationships the battle between the old man and the new man, the Garden of Eden and the garden tomb, continues to create a spiritual PSD. The trauma in being human can be transformed and the frequency reduced as we join the work of the Holy Spirit in birthing the new man.
The discussion about Satan in this passage is not incidental. Satan’s problem is submission. Scripture indicates that he was blinded by his own beauty and pursued equality with God. He did not want to answer to anyone. Paul reminds us that we are constantly faced with an enemy who attacks us specifically in the area of our relationships – at home, in the church and at work. When we are in the battle we are tempted to see only the person in front of us. A husband may be in turmoil about fully loving his wife and describe the enemy as his wife when in fact his “struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12). The real enemies in the room are the world, the flesh and Satan who rape our relationships, promoting the traumas of the curse – traumas that incapacitate us and shame us, that keep us from thinking straight about what sin has done and continues to do. The “new creation” enables us to remove the grave clothes, piece by piece, to move forward in the designer-inspired attire of the new man.
When Paul begins the discussion of the believer’s armor, he is not simply employing a witty introduction. He is calling our attention to the topic he has been discussing – relationships. He is reminding us that as we commit to having a spirit-filled life, we begin building the right foundation, not based on the length of the time we spend together, but on the new creation’s spirit-controlled love.
[1] The New International Version. (2011). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
[2]Ronald Allen. The Majesty of Man, The Dignity of Being Human. (Portland: Multnomah Press, 1984), 147.
[3] Zodhiates, S. (2000). The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (electronic). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.
[4] Mark Goulston, M.D. The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, How to Fall in Love Again – and Stay There. (New York: G.P. Putnam & Sons, 2001), 80.
[5] Eggerichs, http://www.Loveandrespect.com.
